Brexit bombshell: UK wants to have cake and eat it

After months of behind-the-scenes deliberation by the Three Brexiteers, we now know what  the UK’s strategy will be in the tough negotiations following the triggering of Article 50. The combined efforts of Johnson, Davis and Fox have produced a stunning idea conveyed to us via notes captured by the telephoto lens of an eagle-eyed pap. Basically, the UK wants to have its cake and eat it. Pow! Pure genius.

Following Theresa May’s gnomic utterance - Brexit means Brexit (really?) - it’s now crystal clear what our swashbuckling threesome will be doing in 2017. They’ll be laying down the law to those dastardly Johnny-foreigners, kicking ass and TAKING BACK CONTROL. More pure genius. David Davis has already got the show on the road, describing his first official meeting with the Brussels bureaucrats as “a lot of fun”. Great guy. Did he bring cake?

Dave can also play softball if required. He’s offered to pay into the EU coffers  to get access to the single market if that’s the best deal on the table. But hang on a minute. I thought the idea of leaving EUland was to TAKE BACK CONTROL over UK wonga. And Boris has let it be known that he’s OK with immigration. Hang on another minute. I thought another idea of pulling the EU plug was to TAKE BACK CONTROL over UK borders.

The more I think about Brexit, the more confused.com I get.  Never mind. Only several more years of confusion, dislocation, obfuscation and frustration to go.